1.   Don’t forget the past – Although the idea of a fresh start is compelling, there might be lingering issues that were put aside at the end of the last school year and were not resolved merely by the passage of time.   Make a list of unresolved items and pay attention to see if they arise and need attention.

 2.  Logistics, Logistics, Logistics – Probably the greatest everyday stress on family life revolves around the calendar.  Who has what activity at what time on what day?  Who is going to drive?  Is car-pooling an option?  Investing time in proactive planning will reap huge benefits in stress reduction.

 3.  Don’t Ignore Your Needs – Adult needs are just as important for the well-being of a family as the needs of the children.  Make sure that the parents take care of themselves and each other.  Schedule time to pursue your own interests, use baby-sitters, set a date night without feeling selfish.  

 4.  Communicate – Communication is the most important tool we have to build relationships and resolve conflicts.   Learn and practice effective communication techniques which empower all members of the family.   Regularly scheduled family meetings are a useful technique for rule setting, planning and problem resolution among family members. 

 5.  Meet The Teacher – Parents often wait for scheduled conferences or the telephone call summoning them to a school meeting.  When it comes to dealing with teachers, the old adage, “Don’t fix it unless it is broken” doesn’t apply.  Call the school and set an appointment with your child’s teacher or teachers of major subjects at the middle and high school level.  The purpose of the meeting is for you to establish your presence as a concerned parent and to tell the teacher about your child. 

 6.  Homework – In many families, homework issues often lead to conflict and stress.  Here are some specific strategies:

     -          If your child can’t figure out what to do on their homework, do not do it for them.  Simply write a note to the teacher indicating that your child did not sufficiently understand the assignment.

      -          Negotiate homework time and place with your child.  Children have their own learning styles.  Some do better with homework right after school, some later in the evening.  Not all kids need a quiet space to do homework.  The key is that homework is completed, not where and when they do it.

 It is apparent that two way communicating with children is a significant issue for parents.   There are several key principles of communication that can give parents the tools to develop good communication skills which are at the heart of developing strong family relationships. 

 The first one is – Seek to understand before being understood.  Essentially, the message is simple, keep quiet until the other person is done speaking.  When they are done, repeat back what you think you heard and check with the other person if you got it right.  Then you can reply.  The reason this is so important is that if the other person is understood – not that you necessarily agree – they will feel sufficiently empowered to problem solve without holding on to point of view simply to gain the upper hand. 

 The next principle is to – Validate (give value to) the expressed feelings of the other person even if you think they are wrong or exaggerated.  This principle works in the same way as the first because it empowers the speaker.  By not dismissing or trying to talk someone out of the way they feel we give them power.  They feel that they have recognized and heard.  This opens the gateway for real problem solving instead of a debate over the accuracy of the feeling. 

 The second principle is particularly important when communication for both young children and adolescents.  An example might be useful.  Your 4 year old is playing with three other children and comes running to you crying.  “Mommy, Mommy, Joey took my favorite truck and broke the wheel.”  The first instinct of a parent might be to soothe the child and tell them that the truck can easily be fixed.  Most likely the child will continue to cry.  Instead, if a parent responds with, “You look and sound really upset about your favorite truck.  What do you think we can do about it?” then the child feelings will be validated, the crying will stop and problem solving will begin.  Teenagers, who often speak and act with strong emotions, also need to have their feelings validated before problem solving. 

 Following these two principles will lead to healthy and productive communication when practiced by both parent and child. 

See our Parent Issues Survey for more results

 It would be great if one could dismiss these fears as unfounded but, unfortunately, research on the influence of peers has shown that a child’s friends have about as much influence on their behavior as parents. Therefore, the question for parents is, “What can I do as a parent to monitor and influence my child’s selection of friends?” To answer, we need to keep in mind that there is fine line between watchfulness and interference.

 We all know the “forbidden fruit” phenomenon. The more we try to suppress an activity or discount a friendship, the more attractive it becomes – especially for teenagers. This poses a dilemma for a parent when they suspect that a particular friend or group is having a negative influence on their child’s behavior. However, there are some steps a parent can take and the earlier you begin the better chance you will have to have an impact on your child’s choices of friends.

• Open up your home as the meeting or hangout place for your child’s friends. This will give you an opportunity to meet your child’s peers and get a handle on their character. 
• When you drop your child off at a friend’s house, make the effort to get out of the car and walk your child to the door. This has a twofold benefit. You will be able to see firsthand that an adult is home to chaperone and when you meet the parents you can through friendly conversation get a sense of what kind of folks they are.
• Additionally, before a problem arises, it is important to have open discussions with your children about how they can resist peer pressure when they know that going along with their friends is a bad choice. Rehearse with them strategies that they can use if the situation arises. When we mentally prepare for an event, it is more likely that we can adhere to our plan rather than having to make a decision spontaneously.

See the Parent Issues Survey for more survey results.