In each story we have a family pondering the status of a relationship.   Family Centered Coaching could be the answer to help them define the obstacles and coming up with a plan for moving forward.

JERRY AND KRISTIN

I am a 35 year old man about to be a dad for the first time.  I have been married to Kristin for 4 years and she is in her seventh month of pregnancy.  We were in total agreement about having a child at this time but somehow looking back those discussions seem far removed from reality.  Frankly I feel confused about my lack of synchronicity with Kristin about the baby.  She is so into the whole pregnancy thing and is changing into a mom before my eyes.  I am just not there as a father and don’t feel comfortable about my  ability to express to Kristin what I am  experiencing without being stifled by guilt.  We have also started arguing about parenting styles.  I am worried that she is going to be to soft on our child.  I wonder if it too early to come to some decisions on our philosophies of parenting?  

JENNIFER

Lately I have been spending more and more time helping Jen, my fourth grader, with her homework. I want to be a supportive parent and help her but I ask myself how much is enough?  I know that there are many factors to consider when deciding how much time and effort should be given to support Jen’s completing her homework.  Homework is supposed to be her responsibility.  Her teacher insists that she should be able to complete most of their homework with only occasional assistance from a parent.  Ideally, I feel that a parent’s role should be limited to helping a child schedule time for doing homework and in making sure there is a suitable home environment for the child to focus on their assignments.    However, I don’t want my daughter to feel that I have abandoned her.

KEVIN

My 13 year old son, Kevin, arrived home an hour late from baseball practice.  He didn’t call to tell me he would be late and just walked in with a flimsy excuse saying it was no big deal.  I was worried sick and was furious.  In the heat of the moment I told him that he is grounded for the next two weekends and there is no TV tonight.  Kevin got angry and told me  that I was unfair and that he hates my rules.  I responded to his disrespect with further threats and Kevin retreated.   Kevin has been punished.   On the surface it appears that I did my job as a parent but there are unresolved issues. To begin with, why did this happen?  What assurance do I have that it will not be repeated?  In Kevin’s mind he is probably figuring out how to get away with or work around the punishment.  Furthermore, after I calmed down, I realized that Kevin has several commitments over the next two weekends that if he misses will affect his team and his family.  I don’t want to back down but I feel the punishment handed down might not be totally appropriate.

LARRY AND SANDRA

Larry and Sandra have been married for 12 years. Larry is 43 and Sandra is 36. Josh is their nine-year-old son and Jennifer their six-year-old daughter. They both work and own their own home. Larry is in sales and Sandra is a part time para-legal in a local law firm. Josh has been diagnosed with ADHD and is a handful at home and in school. Their pediatrician has recommended a trial of Ritalin but Larry and Sandra remain reluctant to put their child on drugs. Both Larry and Sandra sense that something is missing in their relationship. Making love has become less frequent and mechanical and they are bickering far more than they used to. Finances are always an issue and it would be helpful for Sandra to work full time now that Jennifer is in first grade. However, Josh’s needs are just too draining and Sandra is torn between her desire to be a stay at home mom and the need to earn more to preserve the lifestyle of the family. Larry is under constant pressure at work to meet his sale’s quota and feels that he just cannot connect with his son. The last straw was Josh’s baseball coach asking Larry to take his son off the team because of Josh’s inability to get along with his teammates. Larry had been an assistant coach and he really enjoyed going to games and practices with his son.

SUSAN AND JACK

Susan and Jack have been married for 29 years. Debbie, their 27-year-old daughter lives in California and has just announced that she is pregnant. Mark, their son is in his third year of law school and will be graduating in a few months. Mark has been living with them on most weekends while attending school and has an excellent job waiting for him after graduation. Susan is a high school English teacher who is eligible for retirement but uncertain about what she wants to do. Jack is a CPA who along with his partner owns a small but successful accounting practice. Susan and Jack are financially stable and in relatively good health. However, they feel that they have been gradually growing apart. With Debbie in California and Mark almost out of school and the house, Susan and Jack find that other than the children they have less and less in common. They are basically comfortable with each other but not really intimate. Susan has been spending more and more time socializing with friends while Jack appears to be unenthusiastic and slipping into depression. Susan has even discussed, with some of her closest friends, the possibility of separation from Jack.